


Distracting the Lovesick

by Astray



Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types, Romeo e Giulietta - Ama e Cambia il Mondo, Rómeó és Júlia (Színház)
Genre: M/M, Mercuzio keeps pining over Romeo, Zolicutio is distracting, Zolicutio likes to party, alternate universe - two casts in one city, nothing graphic, the Escalus and Della Scala are vaguely related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:57:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5770354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astray/pseuds/Astray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mercuzio is still pining over Romeo. It would not do. Mercutio was in Verona to have fun, and make the lives of the Princes of Cats a Hell. He can't do it on his own - but what to do when your favourite partner-in-pranks is mooning over someone who never even looked at him that way?<br/>Distract him!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distracting the Lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> Mercuzio = Italian!Mercutio (as portrayed by Luca Giacomelli Ferrarini)  
> Mercutio = Hungarian!Mercutio (as portrayed by Bereczki Zoltán)
> 
> Alternate verse where Tybalt and Mercutio (and probably the rest of the crew) move to Verona for a while, and meet their counterparts.

Zolicutio is seriously done with Mercuzio's pining over Romeo. And does whatever he can to just get him over it. Even if it means having to take upon himself.

 

Mercutio had had it. He had enough. That this idiot was in love, so be it. And God knows he thought feelings were an absolute waste of time. Even if he tried to be understanding, or patient, or whatever, being forced to see his namesake pining over someone was disheartening. He was supposed to be the life of the party! Together, they were supposed to make Tybalt and Tebaldo's lives a hell. And it had gone rather well if only that idiot was not moping around like a complete fool. But this was not going to happen if that tit was still on his way to replenish the oceans with his tears. It was not helping the seas' level in any case.

His decision to force some sense in Mercuzio made, he sauntered down the street, looking for him.

Okay, so, normally people stopped right there – Mercutio and Mercuzio. Well, it could not be helped – their families were related, albeit distantly. Of course they would name the most handsome specimen Mercutio – or equivalent. One Mercutio Escalus, himself, and one Mercuzio Della Scala. He was fairly sure there was one for the Scaligers, but the Scaligers were Austrian and did not count.

At least, they looked nothing alike, and their relatives somehow managed to always make it clear which one they were talking about.

He had reached the Palazzo da Villafranca, certain to find Mercuzio in his room. The man was so predictable it was annoying. True to form, he found him sitting on his windowsill, staring into thin air. Which made it fairly hard to get into the room, but he was not to be deterred. He climbed until he reached the window, startling Mercuzio when he yelled at him to move his ass. And since his Italian counterpart obviously would not bother, he simply crawled on top of him to get into the room.

“Now, Master Puppy-Eyes, we are going to party, and you will come with me.”

He seriously hoped the name would get him more than the shrug he received. Mercutio was seething.

“Look, you can't mope around as if life itself lost all flavour because guess what, _it hasn't_!”

“What do you know about that?” Sighed Mercuzio, clearly not listening to him.

“Because it hasn't gone all black and white. And really, you can't keep pining over a guy who goes from girl to girl like a damn bee in a cornfield!”

The pained whine that answered him made him reconsider his tactics. He wanted Mercuzio to stop pining. Because it was no fun, and because, really, he would never understand what made Romeo so interesting. Not that he would ever ask Mercuzio, or anyone. He had to find something. And then it hit him. It was something that always worked wonders with Benvolio. A bit too well. Smiling widely, Mercutio practically went to sit on Mercuzio – after all, if that idiot was not leaving him a place on the windowsill, he was not staying on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Mercuzio stared at him, apparently ready to throw him away. Or out of the window.

“Merc, you're beautiful.” He tried to sound as serious as he could, but he could not.

Mercuzio laughed: “Yeah, I know that.” Then he seemed to catch on. “Why are you telling me this?”

Mercutio sighed. Italians are supposed to be great in bed but they were so dense it was a miracle any of them ever got laid in the first place. Since words would be lost on this one, now was time for more 'in your face' kind of measures.

He took hold of Mercuzio's shoulder – no sense in risking a fast forward to the ground – and kissed him. It was more of a peck on the lips than anything else, to be fair, but Mercuzio jumped a bit anyway. Mercutio moved back, still holding him. He could not contain his smile at the dumbfounded expression on the other man's face. It was hilarious.

“What the-?”

“I am trying to distract you, here! Let me do the distracting and stop talking already.” Of course, he did not really mean it – if Mercuzio would rather mope, then so be it, and Mercutio would leave with the knowledge that he did everything he could. Well, not quite everything, but there was no way he got Tybalt – or Tebaldo for that matter – in the area just to force Mercuzio into a healthy jog.

A faint laugh caught him off guard and he looked back at Mercuzio just in time to see him smile. It was small, but it was there.

“Well then, if you think you can be enough of a distraction...”

“Don't insult me. Mercutios are great distractions.”

“Mercutii.”

“What?”

“Plural...”

“Mercuties, I say. Now...” He stopped, and looked at this smiling idiot who had spent so long pining, and he wondered if it was the same person. He had half a mind to be mad at him, but couldn't. “Now, shut up and let me distract you.”

And he did his best. Maybe it was very strange, to kiss someone who had the same name as you, or almost, but he was not going to lie. Pretty things were his weakness. He managed to steer them away from the window, and smack on Mercuzio's bed. Which was no less risky, but more comfortable. Not that he minded. And in a way, they were both desperate men – desperate for things they could not have, desperate for everything they could lose so easily. Desperate to live before they died, because it was something Mercutio knew – life was too short. And he liked to think Mercuzio knew that too.

He came around the next day, for once after sleeping like the dead. He woke to a mane of blond hair practically in his face and it took him a moment to register. Mercuzio. The moping, the distracting. So far so good. He felt him move a little, not quite awake, if his breathing was any indication. Normally, that was his cue to leave. But if he left now, nothing assured him that Mercuzio would not start moping again. He absent-mindedly stroked his hair, softer than he had anticipated. His brain made a connection with angels from Renaissance paintings and he cursed himself for that moment of cheesiness. Angels, really.

He turned his head, to have a better look. It was true that Mercuzio was handsome – hell, all Mercutios had to be, that was the way of things, no? And it was also true that Mercutio really enjoyed himself. And for the life of him, he could not comprehend why Romeo was so oblivious. Or why he did not even look at him! Everyone in the city did – yes, even Tebaldo, and who would blame him?

Mercuzio stirred, breathing in deeply as he stretched. Mercutio was mesmerized for an instant by how the light reflected on his hair and skin. Beautiful.

“You said that already.” There was no mistaking the playful smile in Mercuzio's voice.

“It was on purpose.” It was not, and they both knew it, but hey, lying never really hurt anyone, right?

Mercuzio seemed to accept that, and simply turned to face him. He wore a calculating expression that was reminiscent of himself. Bad.

“And so are you. Beautiful.” Mercuzio was serious, which was strange in itself. It was unsettling.

Mercutio said nothing – he really did not want to start freaking out, but God above, don't make it one of those awfully cheesy moments where he always had to crush people's hope just to remain free, goddangit! He was not prepared for the quick kiss he received, nor for the smirk that followed.

“Payback.”

“You, my dear, are an ass.”

“And a damn fine one too. From a master like yourself, I can only accept this as a compliment.”

Mercutio groaned and turned away, burying his face in that pillow. “I liked you better when you moped, at least you shut up.”

“You distracted me, what can I say?”

“That's what we call it these days, nephew?”

The voice made the both of them jump – and at least one of them squealed, but Mercutio would forever deny it was him. The Prince of Verona was in the doorway, looking as though there was nothing out of the ordinary about the scene. Like it was totally normal to see your nephew in bed with another man. Such chill, he had to admire that.

“Uncle, that-”

“Is absolutely not what I think it is, I understand. Now, if the both of you would kindly come downstairs, we have guests.” He turned to leave, but not before adding: “And Mercutio. Next time, use the front door. Footprints on the wall are not very discreet.” He left right then, leaving Mercutio doubting every single life choice that led him to that particular moment.

Mercuzio, on the other hand, seemed to think it was hilarious. Mercutio glanced at him, and yes, it was not what he had expected. But at least Mercuzio was in far better spirits. And he got to check for himself if his namesake was as hot as he was – though he might have to check again. With different light and all. Just for science's sake.

 

 


End file.
